my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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