Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
