I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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