Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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