Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
