I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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