Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
