you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
