That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
