So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
