Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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