Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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