i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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