Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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