turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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