we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
