Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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