remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
