you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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