dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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