they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
