i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
