Got a toothbrush?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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