thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
