well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
