I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
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hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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