My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
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He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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