:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
dude. I can hear the air.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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