I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
