That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
