I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
