So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize