Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
