but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
