Welp...herpes.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
