And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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