apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
