We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
third nipple confirmed
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
