Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
