Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
