I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
