I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
