Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I met the friendliest cop last night
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
