You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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