My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
