i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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