Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
