i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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