i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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