Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
