Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
