Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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