Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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