just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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