I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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