i just wanna soil my oats bro
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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