are you still at the devil's house?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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