Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
honey bunches of taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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