he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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