he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
