If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
