just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i've created a new STD.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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