she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well I can't set my house on fire every night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
