wat bout pragnant strippers??
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
