Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize