if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
