so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
