I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
