You can't motorboat a personality
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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