I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drunk is not a location!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
