I'm really into asian looking animals
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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