Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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