what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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