Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
