I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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