I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
