and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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