I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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