I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
