You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
