So drunk its hurt
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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