You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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