last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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