he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
