I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
