i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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