Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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