Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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